According to this blogroll
I am telling myself that and hope that the un-sanya-like being in me would completely fade away tonight.
2008 has changed me in a variety of ways
i want to emphasize on every little aspect tonight that has been altered.
For starters, I have changed immensely, physically- I have started opening my hair because I have straight hair NOW. And somehow, I am hating myself to have given in to the conventional concepts of beauty in this world.
I have altered so quickly at that- from an absolutely intellectually stimulated bird to the kinds who probably would soon forget the spelling of intellectual.
I have reached my goal weight, which according to last years resolutions was a die-hard and to-die-for thing, but I still feel so unwanted and someone who hasn't really achieved anything.
Over the past few days, I have been contradicting myself IMMENSELY. Whatever the fuck I say is the complete opposite of what I actually do put to practice. Now, that really pisses me off bout myself, because I was the kind of a person who had clear cut ideas and full-proof back up plans.
I remember wearing baggy pants, putting loads of men's deo and wearing a loose half-sleeve t shirt with my hair tied up not so long ago. I did all that, never really to prove how cool I was, but just for defying the conventional conceptions of beauty and attractiveness. But I see myself wearimg girly tops, painting my nails and my face at times .. I realise I am no longer the ''rebel'.
I have also ended up giving high stature's to people in my life- and keeping them at a stature way above my own ego and pride. I want to undo that. Shivani, remember I told you it aint possible to un-love?.. well., I will make it happen: I WILL CONTRADICT MYSELF, one last time.
also, priority no. 1 : mom-dad.
& then, they came with swords and thorns and tried to expel the real me from the being I was... & then you came, and rescued me from the clutches and paws of the looters... and let them take what was the other part in the being apart from the 'real me'....
I am telling myself that and hope that the un-sanya-like being in me would completely fade away tonight.
2008 has changed me in a variety of ways
i want to emphasize on every little aspect tonight that has been altered.
For starters, I have changed immensely, physically- I have started opening my hair because I have straight hair NOW. And somehow, I am hating myself to have given in to the conventional concepts of beauty in this world.
I have altered so quickly at that- from an absolutely intellectually stimulated bird to the kinds who probably would soon forget the spelling of intellectual.
I have reached my goal weight, which according to last years resolutions was a die-hard and to-die-for thing, but I still feel so unwanted and someone who hasn't really achieved anything.
Over the past few days, I have been contradicting myself IMMENSELY. Whatever the fuck I say is the complete opposite of what I actually do put to practice. Now, that really pisses me off bout myself, because I was the kind of a person who had clear cut ideas and full-proof back up plans.
I remember wearing baggy pants, putting loads of men's deo and wearing a loose half-sleeve t shirt with my hair tied up not so long ago. I did all that, never really to prove how cool I was, but just for defying the conventional conceptions of beauty and attractiveness. But I see myself wearimg girly tops, painting my nails and my face at times .. I realise I am no longer the ''rebel'.
I have also ended up giving high stature's to people in my life- and keeping them at a stature way above my own ego and pride. I want to undo that. Shivani, remember I told you it aint possible to un-love?.. well., I will make it happen: I WILL CONTRADICT MYSELF, one last time.
also, priority no. 1 : mom-dad.
& then, they came with swords and thorns and tried to expel the real me from the being I was... & then you came, and rescued me from the clutches and paws of the looters... and let them take what was the other part in the being apart from the 'real me'....
1 comment:
If only one night could change everything. We are missing ourselves more. I saw today. The sudden lull. The eyes which want to say so much but are just shying away and not being expressive.
Dont make yourself how you want to be. Just make some principles you need to follow and then become who you are. I dont think we know ourselves at all.
I miss myself and I know even you do. :)
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